Hey there! Nice to see you here on my blog! You might have seen me anywhere on Facebook or some other place. Or perhaps you don’t have a CLUE who I am (yet)! Well, that’s about to change, because in this first blog post I will explain exactly who I am and what I do 😉 Here goes!
I want to start by saying: I know what it’s like.
What it’s like to have tons of fears and insecurities – it freezes you instantly, and you have no control over yourself nor your body. You can’t reach your goals in life, because you constantly and unconsciously keep blocking yourself from doing so. Because you feel like you can’t do it. You’re a fake. You’re not good enough, you’re not like the others (who can do it). It sucks BIG TIME.
I also know what it’s like to be bullied, that feeling of not belonging somewhere or not being socially accepted. A feeling of being different (and different is NOT OKAY), being an alien in society. I’ve been bullied (not severely, thankfully, but severe enough to damage me) for several years in primary school. And as a result, feeling completely cut off from other people. I used to really hate people. I kept them at a distance, in order to keep myself safe. Or so I thought… but what I really ended up doing was disconnecting myself more and not giving a few people the chance to come closer, while they were sincere people, very kind for me and loving. Add the divorce of my parents into the mix – the result was a big depression that lasted for more than a year.
So hell yes, I know what it feels like to feel depressed. Of not wanting to get up in the morning. Getting dressed or taking a shower is HARD when you’re depressed! You feel like you couldn’t care less what other people say or do, it doesn’t hurt you anymore but then you also don’t feel joy no longer. Enjoying food, baby animals, little kids playing and smiling, a butterfly that lands on your lap, going out with friends… You are completely disconnected from how you truly feel on the inside. All you can do is judge yourself for not getting out of bed, not getting dressed; you feel lazy for not doing so. People tell you: ‘just go DO stuff!’ Basically what they’re saying is: ‘GET OVER yourself woman!’. It just doesn’t work that way, trust me. It’s hard to understand for people who haven’t been in that dark place. I understand though, I’ve been there. We also had tons of financial issues at home… Lots of stress. At some point, I didn’t care if a bus would hit me…
In the meantime, I tried to numb (and comfort) myself and my feelings with food (gosh I ate so much icecream during that period in my life!) and gaming. I became addicted, I must admit. At one point, I found myself as a 19 year old standing beside the freezer. And shoving in three Magnum icecreams in a row, sneakily, within 15 minutes or so. While mom was away, doing groceries. I despised myself. Found myself disgusting. Also, I grew very overweight within half a year. At my heaviest, I was around 180 pounds. Which, for my height, wasn’t what I was supposed to weigh… at all. I fully judged myself over it, obsessed over my weight. Was very unhappy with myself and I really started hating myself even more. I judged myself for overeating. I judged myself for not exercising and having the discipline. While others had the perfect body and worked out several times a week. At some point, I wanted to start dancing again (which I loved doing when I was a teen). Because I was too heavy (I guess), I got a bad knee injury during one of the first dancing lessons. That was it: physiotherapists said I should probably give up on dancing ever again. Chances are slim I could ever do so again without having a new injury… I was sad about this for years. Then, I finally gave up. Did I accept it though? Not quite.
Then, several years later, I also experienced a burnout. A severe one. One morning, my body just wouldn’t move. I was done – mentally and physically. I couldn’t go on like this anymore. I was in a job that was breaking me down mentally. There’s only so much stress a person can handle. And this was too much – whenever my boss told me to go left, and I went left, she yelled at me for going left! After 1,5 years in this job I’ve had enough. I had a LDR with a guy in Canada back then, for six years already. And I was really unhappy with how things went. After a while of being burnout, I took the decision to start my practice and break up with my LDR-bf. It was soooo hard and took so much strength and courage, but it was the best decision I’ve ever made in my life. The burnout caused my brain to be foggy and it also caused memory loss (mostly short-term). This was severe for about 1,5 years; and after about four years I felt fully recovered. So, YES, I know what burnout is like and what it’s like to be so confronted with yourself to the point that there’s simply no way but pushing through… I learned it all the hard way; it took me years to figure out how to take good care of myself. But I do feel that I’ve found a way to teach others 🙂 You just need to receive the right kind of guidance. We all do.
There might be people who find this post weird; a psychologist opening up about her personal life? ‘That’s very unprofessional!’ some people will say or think. If that’s you, then that’s completely fine! I’m at a point where I don’t mind what others think of me 🙂 Everyone’s entitled to having their own opinions! But let me say this: I do have a strong belief, that a LOT of psychologists have a TON of mental issues and struggles they go through (the good ones are mostly the sensitive people among us) and that they have to work through, BEFORE being able to pass their knowledge on to others! I do believe that good psychologists are the ones who truly understand mental health issues, because they went through it themselves. They lived it, and they survived and got out of it. Not to pat myself on the back here 😉 But I do feel like I’ve gained a ton of life knowledge, that I can pass on to others.
Through my experiences, I’ve grown to be a compassionate, empathetic and socially intuitive person. I’m alert to social signs and signals, and other people’s emotions (in a helpful way; it no longer gives me anxiety, thank goodness!) and my way of calm and clear communication helps with shoving clients a mirror under their noses. Take a good look in that mirror, and have the courage to continue doing so until they resolve the issues they have with themselves. Obviously accompanied by a good dose of humor 😉 Humor makes the world a lighter place. In the sessions with my clients I strive for a good balance between serious conversation, practical assignments and humor.
I have a way of being creative in my thinking – I like to think outside the box. Which makes me unique in my client work; I like to adjust the process to be custom fitted for the client. I really LISTEN to my clients. If ‘life happens’ and they want to talk about that specific situation, there’s room for it and I’ll listen carefully, and then come up with a solution or tip or assignment accustomed to that situation. Most people tell me they love this! They feel heard and seen.
My most important life lesson of all was that we should stop pointing at others, and make them responsible for the crap in our lives. It simply doesn’t work that way – you’re the only person IN THE WORLD that will always be with YOU. Your whole life long. We only have influence over our own feelings, thoughts and actions. Not over other people. Therefore, keep working on YOU! You can change, I have faith in you (even if you don’t have faith in yourself yet). I’ve been there – I’ve been you. It’s hard, keeping yourself fully responsible. But it’s the only way. Else, you’re gonna keep hitting walls. Your – whole – life – long.
If you ever feel like wanting to start this journey, I’m able to help out. Let’s do this together, and create life for you that you’ve always wanted! (Open to e-mails anytime: jamila@yayforyou.nu)
With love, xo,
Jamila.
